An Orthodox JewI remembered today that people read stuff on the Internet to be entertained, and the best way to entertain people is with humor. So here’s a joke.

A German, a samurai and a businessman are walking through the jungle together. Suspend your disbelief on that one, it’s happening. Suddenly they’re attacked from all sides by a horde of hungry cannibals.

Of course, even with a samurai, they’re no match for this many cannibals, especially cannibals as hungry as these. So soon enough they’re all tied up and on their way to the cannibal village.

Once they get there they all stay tied to a tree for a time, wondering what their fate will be. After a little while the cannibal chief shows up to make a proposition.

He swaggers up to them, quite literally the king of the jungle, and says “I’m going to be completely honest with you, you’re all going to die. Then I’m going to eat you, and make a canoe out of your skins. Since I’m such a nice guy though, I’m going to let each of you choose the way you die.”

So the samurai immediately requests a knife. The cannibals all go scurrying off to get him a knife. When they bring one back to him, he commits seppuku, disemboweling himself and falling dead on the jungle floor.

“Bring me a gun,” says the German, after a pause during which he considers just how painful it would be to commit seppuku. So the cannibals all scatter off into the jungle to find him a gun. Eventually they return, and one of them has found an old flintlock pistol. It barely works, but the German manages to load it, and promptly splatters his own brains all over the underbrush.

Finally, after much thought, the businessman says “bring me a fork.” The cannibal chief is confused by this one, but he made a promise, so he pulls a fork out and hands it to the businessman.

The businessman immediately begins to stab himself over and over again with the fork. He keeps this up until he finally becomes too weak from blood loss, and lays dying a slow and painful death in a pool of his own blood.

“Why did you do that?” The cannibal chief asks, shocked by the brutal spectacle self-mutilation he has just witnessed.

With his dying breath, the businessman looks up and says “enjoy your canoe, Mr. big shot.”