Google has launched, yes, yet another brilliant piece of web software. At least I think it’s brilliant, I haven’t actually used it yet. I’m going to keep a running narrative as I go through the process of checking it out (no pun intended, and I won’t be buying anything for real because I have no money).

Signing Up
Upon first reaching Google Checkout, the first thing I see is a friendly little welcome message. There’s also a link to Google’s Tour, if you’d rather get what I’m certainly about to tell you straight from the horse’s mouth.

Find it with Google. Buy it with Google Checkout.

Want a faster, safer and more convenient way to shop on-line? You got it.

Stop creating multiple accounts and passwords.
With Google Checkout™ you can quickly and easily buy from stores across the web and track all your orders and shipping in one place.
Shop with confidence.
Our fraud protection policy covers you against unauthorized purchases made through Google Checkout, and we don’t share your purchase history or full credit card number with sellers.
Control commercial spam.
You can keep your email address confidential, and easily turn off unwanted emails from stores where you use Google Checkout

So after signing in with my Google account, I’m presented with a screen asking for all my billing information. This alone is getting me so excited. The thought of never having to type all this shit in again is thrilling.


Terms of Service

Next up: reading the Terms of Service. It might be Google, but I still like to know what they can do with my credit card number. The interesting points are:

  • Users must be 18, US residents, and legally able to enter a binding contract (i.e. the Terms of Service).
  • Google is allowed to background and credit check users of Checkout.
  • I may be wrong about this one (the legalese is a little thick), but I do believe Google holds your payment until the seller provides proof of shipment. That’s nice of them.
  • No transferring cash, only buying and selling stuff.
  • Google has the right to limit the amount of money you’re allowed to spend in a given period of time (how much money in how much time isn’t mentioned, which makes me think it probably watches your patterns and keeps an eye out for an increase in spending).
  • You can’t sue them if their system goes down and delays your ability to buy stuff.
  • The security of your user-name and password is your prerogative.
  • If somebody commits fraud by buying stuff with your account, take it up with your credit card, not Google. Google doesn’t refund money from bad transfers, or insure the money they hold on your behalf. That’s the credit card companies’ business.
  • You may have to pay sales taxes sometimes (only as often as any other online shopping).

Trying to buy something

As a demo, I’m going to try to take all the steps of buying stuff from a few stores, right up to the final step of actually paying for it.

OK, I tried to order some wireless headphones from, but it didn’t work. I got a cryptic and frustrating message, so I’m giving up on this until tomorrow.

Helpful Links

Google Checkout: the site itself

mad coupons: I found a page with a whole mess of $10-20 off coupons from a bunch of on-line stores, a-la Google Checkout. I don’t know how long these will last, so use them while you can.


060627-tangled-wires.jpgIn a word, headaches. Google has all the money in the world, and MySpace is just too big of a mess for them to want to deal with it. The constant public frown on MySpace is only the beginning of the headaches, too. I wouldn’t want to deal with the publicity or coding of MySpace, myself. Especially if I’m already an established powerhouse like Google.

Of course, in reality I would gladly personally take command of MySpace, because then I wouldn’t be so poor. I’m not exactly Google though, am I?

Have you ever looked at the address bar when you’re on MySpace? We’ve all noticed that it’s slower than a 15 year old tramp saying “no,” but there are genuine clues to what’s going on to cause all that stuttering and stalling, and they’re as close as your address bar. It would be best not to go into them here, they only stand out after years of watching what’s happening very closely while browsing. Just take it from me, I know a little bit about it, and things are not running on all four cylinders in MySpace’s programming department.
Google is notorious for their outstanding public face, and they should want nothing to do with anything that might harm that image. MySpace, on the other hand, is torn by controversy, the target of dozens (if not hundreds) of special interest groups, and as one Digg reader put it: a veritable “cesspool of pedophiles and cam whores.”

Pay attention to that bit about pedophiles, they might seem like nothing more than a creepy, trench-coat wearing nuisance to us, but they’ll be the death of MySpace yet. One of these days some underage tramp’s parents are going to actually succeed in suing MySpace when she bumps uglies with half the 35 year old men in the country (because of MySpace, mind you, not because she’s a slut). That’s the day MySpace is doomed. The lawyers will suck them dry, and being banned left and right by schools, parents and all manner of authority figures will stop the bounce-back that would otherwise occur.

Not only does Google not want to get sued, or tarnish their so far stellar image, but they just don’t want to deal with that shit. I can’t say I blame them.

It turns out the biggest argument for–and against–wanting to own MySpace turns out to be the people. No one can argue that owning MySpace would give Google access to a massive, reasonably loyal user base. Are these people really what Google wants though? When a company is trying to step up and fight the likes of Microsoft and Yahoo, do they really want to stoop to making the majority of their user base teeny-boppers and their emotionally crippled adult counterparts?

Peeking at GoogleI make a habit of checking Google's robots.txt file, because it gives a list of everything on the site. Granted, if they really want to hide stuff this won't uncover it, but it's a great way to find funny little things that aren't documented or aimed at the general public.

My big discovery today was a new entry at the bottom of the list, calls/. I was, of course, intrigued to no end to find something in here that is both new and not associated with anything public on Google Labs.

Google/Call XML error of some kindUpon visiting, I was presented with nothing more than an infitesimal little chunk of XML. I almost completely disregarded it, but then I realized I had nothing better to do than to go ahead and look a little closer.

The first data was an error code of some kind. 103, to be precise. That's not too interesting, but the second piece was. An empty field called "call_id."

Now, I have to have some kind of theory to explain what's going on here, so let's get to it. I think this page is some sort of interface for a VoIP service that's in the works. It's still very much in the works, too, to the point that it doesn't even have any kind of GUI. Still, it's exciting to think that Google could be dabbling in VoIP.

The logical thing would be to extend Google Talk to include VoIP, which would be so amazingly useful. Especially if it were functional from my gMail page. That way I could check my email, IM my friends, and make phone calls from any computer. It would be pretty sweet.

Google Spreadsheets Screenshot

So mere minutes after I made my last post about Google Browser Sync, I discovered yet another little gem in Google Labs. Apparently it was a big day for them and releasing betas of new stuff.

Their latest bit of genius is Google Spreadsheets, which just might put a good dent in the market for Microsoft Excel. At first glance it appears to have the 20% of features that satisfy 80% of Excel users.

It's a full sized spreadsheet, complete with multiple sheets like Excel or Openoffice. It does math, it sorts stuff, as a spreadsheet editor it appears to be nothing special.

If you know Google, though, you know that they never release anything unless it is something special. The sweet feature that really makes Google Spreadsheets interesting is collaboration. Leave it to Google to make something as basic and usually unthought of as a spreadsheet and interactive, team effort.

Multiple users can not only share a single spreadsheet, but they can all edit it at the same time.

I haven't had the chance to actually use it, because I don't have any data that requires a spreadsheet, much less anyone to share it with. Damnit…now I feel inferior.

Google Spreadsheets only accepts requests for membership at the moment, they're only allowing a limited number of users. I got my invitation email right quick though, under an hour.

Get Google Browser Sync

I’ve always really wanted to use bookmarks. I can’t possibly remember EVERY site that I want to go back to sometime. I can usually remember how to Google to it, but that’s way slower than clicking on a bookmark. Also, if I forget completely about a site there’s no bookmark for me to stumble across.

Bookmarks have never really worked out for me though, because between constantly moving between my various work and home computers and reformatting my home computers constantly…I just can’t hold onto them.

Thanks to Google though, those days are over. Their new Firefox extension, Google Browser Sync, uploads my cookies, saved passwords, bookmarks, history and tab configuration to Google, where they store it encrypted using a password of my choosing. Now I can install this extension at work, have all my logins preserved, all my saved passwords (which I don’t use, but it might be cool to some people), bookmarks, and even my history at my fingertips.

Thank you, Google.

Get Google Browser Sync

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